I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
