I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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