So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
