if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
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They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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