I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
