my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
