My Higher Power is John Stamos
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
