You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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