I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
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Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
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I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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