I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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