I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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