"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
