I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
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the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
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Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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