it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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