If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
