Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
