May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
