her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Be still, my beating vagina.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
