so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
