Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
