wakey wakey hands off snakey
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
