And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
