Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
