8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
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He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
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I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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