You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
