I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
