Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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