if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
