Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
