i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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