it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
