If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
