New low: just hacked my moms facebook
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
