"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
