So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
