I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
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My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize