When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
