I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
