When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
