My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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