i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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