I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
