There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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