thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
