He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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