I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just google imaged poop.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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