Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
