I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
