Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
