My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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