If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize