Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
