So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
