well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
even my farts smell like vagina
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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