I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
