It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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