I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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