I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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