saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
