Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
