My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
