We named our party play list daddy issues
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
