and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
