So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
