Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize