He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
