I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
