the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
