I think im going to throw up on grandma
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
