It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
