My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
