Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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