You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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