Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
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he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
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I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷ðŸ»â€â™€ï¸
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