We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
