Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
