I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
