Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You are the jesus of drinking
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
