In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
