I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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