Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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