Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
